Changed plans ... The surprise baby

We all have plans. Plans for dinner, plans for our bodies, plans for the future all kinds of plans. We all just assume that these "plans" are concrete. If only. We had a plan, we've had lots of plans and time and time again fate, destiny, God, and/ or Lady Luck changes those courses we have so diligently mapped out.

We had a five year plan. We are happily enjoying our baby girl and loving giving her every last ounce of our being. The mister is wrapping up some more med school I am desperately trying to get in shape and in five years when all these pieces are complete and in place THEN we can start round two of babies. Sounds good huh? Sounds like a plan right? Wrong!

I thought I had the flu. After a sneaky suspicion, a doubtful husband, and 8 test later.... That five year plan changed. Our lil family of three will become a family of four in march. Our five yr plan became a two yr plan. And I cried.

I cried out of shock, fear, guilt, happiness .... All of it just gushed from my eyes . Not a pretty cry no no no a snot drenched sobbing from my gut "what are we gonna do" "yay it's a baby" bipolar, roller coaster cry. Mychal watched, he hugged me and we went to bed.

Every time I looked at ms c I cried I felt somehow I had robbed her of all these years of undivided attention I had planned, I felt over night I had made my baby girl a "big girl", and I felt on some level like I had betrayed her. I blame the hormones.

The next day mychal had to leave town ( convenient I know) it was a long weekend. I told my parents, and I cried some more. On lookers woulda suspected a death had taken place and in my mind in my heart a death had occurred.... The death of my plan.

Mychal returned home to the distraught woman he left. I am usually the one that holds it together, the one that finds silver linings. I couldn't. Then my husband did and said the sweetest thing he has ever spoke to me. He hugged me. I stood crying and hugged him." Amber this is fine and that baby deserves to be as special and as anticipated as our Charlie was and I don't care if we have 5 babies everyone in this world is only born once and that means every baby every birth is special." I was confused because this man isn't poetic. He doesn't do serious and certainly doesn't do emotion or feelings. He went on to tell me how much more prepared we were this round we weren't in the process of moving across the world, we were both on the same continent, and how amazing ms c is and how amazing it'll be to have double those blessings. I didn't know I could but I loved him more right then and there.

"So our plans changed, that's not a first and it's not the last " he said, "it'll be fine. What's one more right?!" And we hugged and we laughed.

We couldn't be more excited now but I won't deny the almost grief I felt at first. Some of my greatest blessings have come from my broken plans and so far life has yet to let me down. We are excited to share and begin our next chapter with you all!!!!