Bottles and Babies and......BOOBS OHHHHHHH MY!!!!

So those of you that have read my adventures in becoming the domestic diva, already know i am not a let's say "busty gal" lol....Well then it should come as no surprise that for years I have told Mychal that "when i get skinny" (HA which means he thinks the time will never come ;) ) ....I want a boob job!!! wellllllll lemme tell you! after this lil "test drive" of the ladies I have changed my mind! These are not "ladies" anymore! They are out of control WOMEN!!! .....Anyone that had seen me noticed...you couldn't help and we would laugh and joke about it!!! ....well it wasn't 10 weeks after being pregnant that ummmm my "cup had runneth over"....long story short I had to go get a new bra today....oy vay what a mess!!!

I decided that getting dressed cute would help encourage me for this "big shopping outing" (i had been very sick and hadn't left the house all week) so on went the makeup the bling, the wedges (FATAL MISTAKE) ....out came the teasing comb (which at this point prob. thought I had gone bald or shaved my head because it'd been so long since it saw daylight!!) ....after getting dressed i just wanted a nap!!!!!! ...well i sucked it up and drug myself down to the good ol' kohls and thought (keyword thought! meaning I am deranged lol) I would look around maybe pick up some Christmas gifts etc.

I made it from the parking lot and immediately wanted to throw my shoes away...i could literally feel my veins pulsing through my legs screaming WHYYYYYYY!!!! GO BACK TO THE RELCINER!!!!....I knew then "shopping around" wouldn't cut it! to the bras I went to get something to reign these ponies in ....I had gotten to the point where i looked like a cheap stripper under my shirt....I mean who knew boobs could be muffin tops too lol ....

bra shopping has always been embarrassing because i am more of a fun sized lady, so i have to feel and check for padding and push up etc...i always imagined these dolly parton pamela gals strolling in and proudly grabbing whatever print they liked and being done....wrong! those poor girls stroll in and out so fast because they are in PAIN....their back feels like it's breaking your boobs feel like they may explode, and it seems like at any moment you may fall right over!!! I totally get it now lol....The c cups (yes i said C) are acrosss the aisle from the a/b (my usual spot) and i was thinking HA i finally get to cross over...but now that i was here I just wanted to go BACK ACROSS THE AISLE! ....i informed Mychal he was sooooo right I was never getting a boob job, that the test drive had cleared me of that desire.....he laughed and said "I was never much of a boob man, more of a booty and you have more then enough of that" hahaha MEN just when ya think they have said the right thing....they continue speaking and ruin it lol

Walking the errrhhh...stumbling the ...

Well since I have boosted the "internal" I thought I'd boost the external...I have noticed everywhere I turn women are striding around like graceful waterfalls in heels. No matter the temp., weather, or place women love them! There is something so instantly sexy about a woman in heels, that "old charm" elegance of the way she walks as if they are pillows (when we all know she has to be in such pain!)...the way the legs look instantly long and silky as if at any moment she is going to just pull out the red lips stick and go all Betty Gable on us!

Well me being a ferocious 5 feet nothing I figured it would be the thing to do...,getting heels that is, but what I didn't realize was I was getting a "2 for"...while wearing those heels I was getting a workout and free toe amputation!

I found the cutest pair of zebra print peak a boos, thick black heels rimmed in black trim with the most adorable and pin up-esque side clasp. I was in love...until I wore them to the grocery store...then I was in pain and an instant bad mood! No WONDER these women seem so snooty...they are crying inside! The intense burning is one i can't express in words. That of a thousand red wasps all attacking the EXACT same spot on your toe...I could feel my feet swelling and was beginning to seriously doubt my ability to walk back to my car in these death traps when the jello legs hit!

Ya know! The sea legs that scream NO MORE we're DONE!!! and begin to go numb and limb as if you are now being held up by cocktail sticks! Before I got married I wore heels every day as if they were flip flops, well today I realized that I was def. outta practice!...So I had no choice! There in the middle of HEB with my buggy full of groceries I took of the horrible bear traps and grabbed the nearest pair of house shoes I could see. The feeling of instant gratification was priceless....the fashion statement was indeed priceless too!

I noticed two reactions from two different women on the same aisle...both were in heels...the first, was standing there with her lean cuisines and organic apple juice looking at me like I had just scalped a parrot! Her mouth fell open and she let out a small "ah" as if what she had seen would lead her to years of therapy...the second....was from one of us...she tilted her head slowly peaking over the fish sticks and store brand soda...dragging her screaming pigtailed child behind her...and she let out a small "ah" as if what she'd seen was the BRAVEST thing she'd ever witness!! As if right then and there she would raise her heels in the air with me and we'd chant a witty cheer as we doused them in gasoline and held hands as they burned...yes right then and there we bonded with no words, no exchanges just understanding...