random thoughts at 3am

I'm up reading articles about marriage and parenting since my hips are in such pain lol things I've realized so far:

1. I'm not mushy- I don't want flowers from mychal or gag me out fb statuses (when he does stuff it means more because it isn't excessive and it is typically something that Truly means something to me) after 9yrs I guess I'm pretty secure in that he likes me haha our "love language"  happens to be sarcasm and humor- maybe you don't think we are romantic- well in our way we are- sure as our relationship evolved our style has too- date night dressed up is ok but we can and do have just as much fun with redbox ,sweats, and take out-and we prefer the food truck park and live band to a carriage ride in dallas why? Not because we arent romantic but because i don't need to be wow'd - date nights  are about relaxing, and spending time together laughing, (and we have been there done that-  the fancy extravagant gesture stuff -we have transitioned past that stage)  i would rather 100 bucks on something i want and need vs 100 bucks flowers that die lol our priorities now vs 9 yrs ago have changed and so have we.



2 i hate being called a nickname -don't call me baby/muffin/ honey (esp not hun) Mychal and I both call each other babe sometimes- in private at home- that doesn't bother me but I'm not a treat/snack/ Or toddler- charlsie is not even 2 and knows both of our first names because that's what we call each other (unless speaking to her about the other then it's mama or dad)

3. I'm a pretty laid back mom- maybe because she's almost two and I've learned that a parenting book is crap lol great tips-but real life is not scripted -90% of parenting is gut instinct

4. I'm old fashioned (mychal is too) in our marriage, religion,politics, in our roles in our family life and parenting we fit more into idk the 40's lol then modern world views - and I'm ok with that!

5. I'm not a paranoid mom like I thought i'd be ...am I cautious yes-but a scrape on the knee and dirt on their hands is the only way kids will learn and develop confidence and independence- if you freak over every new study and every new recall (the bumbo seat is a prime example) go ahead and subscribe to a daily dose of nerve pills- be informed but know that not everything you read does or will apply to you- don't be a sheep make your own choices - and use common sense

6. I'm pretty much the opposite of a" hippy" mom- with Charlie there was no doubt of an epidural and this round is a planned c-section. We are firm advocates for vaccines (probably the only issue in the world I can't understand the other point of view on) while I love a good home remedy I am not afraid of a doctor's recommendation for meds- I didn't breast feed and won't again with baby number two, and we use disposable diapers

7.Judgy moms drive me nuts what works for you works for you what works for me works for me - at the end of the day as long as we have happy healthy children then obviously whatever choice we've made is working out alright for each of us

There is no manual to life, and there are 4 ways to get to the same spot as far as parenting goes- the only advice I'd give is if you enjoy your children and you enjoy your marriage- then you're on the right road for you. You don't need validation from Sally Joe that your way is "right" choose your path and own it- don't make excuses or knock alternative styles don't bully others about not choosing the same route and never slam another women's style because you aren't her and you aren't in her shoes.

technology makes me a better mom

As with every new year- my newsfeed, inbox, and even magazines are filled with everyone's resolutions, goals, and tips for acheiving them .

I first saw the post i'm referencing a while back, but it has been resurrected in accordance with the " i am going to do better" mind set everyone has taken on. Essentially it is a blog about putting down the i-phone so you " don't miss out on your child's life" . I know. Obviously a stay at home mama did NOT write this.

While I get the over all underlying message, I also see this from a completely different perspective.  My "smart phone" allows me to preserve not only my sanity - but my child's everyday moments  of childhood.  From pictures,  to videos, to writing down what she says and does, voice recordings of her
" concerts" - ( things some of the new moms reposting - don't yet realize- you forget! ) From apps for potty training, to the Mickey app that allows for fuss free grocery shopping- that evil little square of technology is a pure gift! !

Now that is without even mentioning that not all of us mamas leave the house daily. While some working mamas socialize, engage in adult conversation regularly, have a lunch break ( even a pee break) to themselves- while some moms actually get dressed every morning and go off to solve world problems, some of us don't.

Some of us moms are in the same yoga pants and tee from sun up to sun down, we are listening to dora, and the fifth performance of " old McDonald" - we are fishing crayons outta belly buttons, barbies outta the toilet, and eating left over cheerios while we try to pee without an audience. After reading the same book three times, reheating our FIRST cup of coffee for the third time, and playing tea party for the tenth time- somehwere between laundry, dishes, a juice spill,  and a meltdown we login to take a glimpse of the outside world.

We see people doing things we wish we could, and we feel better seeing people's days are just like ours. We communicate with friends because, lets face it a phone call and toddler are like oil and water. We vent, we brag, we network with other mamas about our problems etc. We post snapshots of our babies daily doings to share with friends, relatives,  spouses etc. Some of which that would never get to see our children grow without us doing so. we google events, playdates,crafts, and recipes.  We take a mental break so we don't burn out.

Every day my husband gets texts of what my daughter is doing.  Some good, some funny, some not. He doesn't ever say put down your phone you're missing out. No. He says thank you for making sure i too see it all.

Just like every opinion there are two sides to the fence and i thought I'd share mine, so next time you see a mom on facebook, texting, or whatever-maybe you won't judge her as " missing out" maybe she is making sure other people who love her child just as much but don't get to spend 24/7 with them are getting to experience what she is.

Child birth and football...

Ok so I will no doubt step on a few toes with this. But let's just be honest here- if you know me or have read even half of one of these blogs you will know I'm gonna blab away regardless. 

With it being baby season around here I've seen this pet peeve constantly, and I just do not get it. Ladies, labor is not like a football game, we do not need nor do we want a play by play update of your dilation progress, your pushing, your contractions, your whole detailed entire birth experience. It is gross. Seriously people could start taking bets with some of these posts- "I got 5 bucks says she is at a 10 by 5pm"- I mean think about what you're actually talking about and telling people. That is just way too personal for me.

I Remember when I had my daughter. I threatened to harm anyone that posted any info. I didn't even want people to know I was AT the hospital. How about we pretend birth is a magical beautiful experience (if you say that statement is true you have never had and have never witnesses actual child birth - it's ugly) anyhow lets just pretend the baby magically appears and boom you can announce the arrival. Post a beautiful pic of you and your miracle and let the oooh and ahhh's begin. Nobody needs to know about your lady parts performance during all this. I'm a firm believer that ANY info about your bits and pieces is almost always not social media acceptable. What next?! Are people going to Instagram and vine the actual birth? I can see it now..."my placenta #nofilter #girlpower" 

I completely understand being excited to finally be meeting the lil angel who has been growing in your belly for all these months. But lets keep it classy friends. 

The "gay thing"- church vs state

I'm gonna catch some heat for this, and that's ok! However before you start stoning me I ask you read this entire post before making a snap judgement of what you *think* I am going to say.

I am a Christian, a strict born and raised baptist with very strong beliefs. I associate myself with more of the right wing conservative policies. I hate big government, and I support the legalization of gay marriage.

Separation of church and state is not to protect the church, it is not to protect the state- it is in fact to protect both. I do not want a government regulation telling me what I can and can not believe, or how I can and cannot practice my faith. Many people agree with this, but they stop here. The flip side to that is we cannot have a government that is told what it can and cannot do by a church. *gasp* I know...and yes you read right I do not think either organization should have an influence on the actions of the other.

Sure - if a Christian church was governing I would be happy and could live as such - however what if the "governing religion " was say Muslim ? I bet then you wouldn't want religion and state mixing. We best separate the two before it gets so tangled up we are Saudi Arabia over here- I can't do burkas guys!!! I will look like a PAC man ghost.

My idea of perfection would be that unions through the government are just that - you want to marry your boyfriend, your girlfriend, your dog ok great! Let em be-let em have the same tax and insurance benefits as anyone else...  that has nothing to do with the church - now on the flip side if you want a ceremony in a church let the church decide what regulations they impose - state you don't go forcing them to accept the idea if they don't want to... that's their territory, and just like with any issue guys if you don't agree with the church then just dont associate with a church that does not match your beliefs- And BAM! Everyone is happy. It isn't realistic to battle over wrong vs right we each have our own morals and standards by which we base those two categories and no two people's will be the same. Compromise people.

We can find happy medium solutions, where everyone gains something, to most of our current issues. The problem is both the left and right want it their way 100% - that's not what this country is about.... Or was about originally - there is always a middle ground. Our government represents everyone and all beliefs. Not just a select group.

In the end of this scenario nobody's beliefs are forced on anyone, the right keeps their church doctrines, the state does its job of representing everyone - happy dances for all !!

In closing I would also like to say that as a Christian I feel that I am a sinner. My sin is no better then anyone else's. My "job" is to love and support you NOT judge you. I do not care who you voted for, I do not care what color you are, what God you worship, or what gender you love. I love people for them. I serve a loving God who accepts any and all and loves me, nspite of my flaws. Why should I be any different. I am a baptist, but I don't dislike Jews because their beliefs are different than mine .

Changed plans ... The surprise baby

We all have plans. Plans for dinner, plans for our bodies, plans for the future all kinds of plans. We all just assume that these "plans" are concrete. If only. We had a plan, we've had lots of plans and time and time again fate, destiny, God, and/ or Lady Luck changes those courses we have so diligently mapped out.

We had a five year plan. We are happily enjoying our baby girl and loving giving her every last ounce of our being. The mister is wrapping up some more med school I am desperately trying to get in shape and in five years when all these pieces are complete and in place THEN we can start round two of babies. Sounds good huh? Sounds like a plan right? Wrong!

I thought I had the flu. After a sneaky suspicion, a doubtful husband, and 8 test later.... That five year plan changed. Our lil family of three will become a family of four in march. Our five yr plan became a two yr plan. And I cried.

I cried out of shock, fear, guilt, happiness .... All of it just gushed from my eyes . Not a pretty cry no no no a snot drenched sobbing from my gut "what are we gonna do" "yay it's a baby" bipolar, roller coaster cry. Mychal watched, he hugged me and we went to bed.

Every time I looked at ms c I cried I felt somehow I had robbed her of all these years of undivided attention I had planned, I felt over night I had made my baby girl a "big girl", and I felt on some level like I had betrayed her. I blame the hormones.

The next day mychal had to leave town ( convenient I know) it was a long weekend. I told my parents, and I cried some more. On lookers woulda suspected a death had taken place and in my mind in my heart a death had occurred.... The death of my plan.

Mychal returned home to the distraught woman he left. I am usually the one that holds it together, the one that finds silver linings. I couldn't. Then my husband did and said the sweetest thing he has ever spoke to me. He hugged me. I stood crying and hugged him." Amber this is fine and that baby deserves to be as special and as anticipated as our Charlie was and I don't care if we have 5 babies everyone in this world is only born once and that means every baby every birth is special." I was confused because this man isn't poetic. He doesn't do serious and certainly doesn't do emotion or feelings. He went on to tell me how much more prepared we were this round we weren't in the process of moving across the world, we were both on the same continent, and how amazing ms c is and how amazing it'll be to have double those blessings. I didn't know I could but I loved him more right then and there.

"So our plans changed, that's not a first and it's not the last " he said, "it'll be fine. What's one more right?!" And we hugged and we laughed.

We couldn't be more excited now but I won't deny the almost grief I felt at first. Some of my greatest blessings have come from my broken plans and so far life has yet to let me down. We are excited to share and begin our next chapter with you all!!!!

The crappiest day ever

Today was a classic day in the Northrip home. Most people would pray nobody ever finds out about these days, and then there is me- who will share it with the world! I have no shame. Today was going to be "family day" .

My husband typically works around 90 plus or so hrs in a two week pay period, he's very fortunate that he loves his job and chooses to work overtime when he can (which is at least once a period !) he works 12 hr shifts at a level one ER it is ridiculous busy so when he works it is work- come home- eat-sleep-goodnight making his "off days" special. We love daddy time! (And mama likes to shower) We all slept in ( I use the combination "we slept" loosely- the mr and ms c took over my bed forced me to the edge with nothing but a sheet and snored away while I caught a crick in my neck and frost bite of the toes) we all woke, I fixed breakfast, and we scouted out what fun activity we would embark on - after deciding the park would be a good adventure the mr set off to run some errands while ms c and I got dressed. This my friends is where it all went downhill. I went to change her diaper for the 100th time of the day and noticed red bumps - not a diaper rash - but blisters (that were not there a few minutes earlier when I changed her last diaper) I did what any rational mother would do and panicked and then googled it. Bad move. Convinced she now had thrush, measles, mumps, chicken pox, Scarlett fever or all of them morphed into a super bug I dialed her dr's office and played it cool- I then explained the symptoms- the nurse then interrogates me about our whereabouts the week before (the zoo, children's museum, fossil rim safari - oh lord! I've given her some African jungle fever I knew she shoulda never touched the deer!!! I was sweating now) the nurse asks if I can please come in today- that DOES NOT help any !! The mr arrives to find methrown together acting as though she lost a limb waiting at the door and off we go! 

Worst visit ever! From the time we entered the exam room she decided she was less then thrilled and progressively got more upset. When she saw her dr she went into melt down mode screaming crying holding her breathe (resulting in mama crying and getting sick to her stomach) upon investigation her dr decided the flesh eating virus was nothing more then a slight allergic reaction and heat rash and would be fine. But since she was here let's do her 15 month shots and take blood- I literally almost fainted - noticing how pale I was the mr begins giving me a half pep talk half lecture and we decide he will hold her- one prick, two shots, and an exercism later we all left crying, vaccinated and emotionally disturbed. We treated her to dinner and ice cream with gammy and poppy and at last the day was looking up! By the time we got home it was time for her bath and bed. This is where it all fell apart (yep even worse then earlier- I know!) so mr is having a bathroom break and sits ms c on her potty - idk how the rest played out all I know is what I encountered- I hear him say No! Stay on the potty followed by AMBER!!! (Never a good sign) I walk into him on the toilet, her OFF the toilet and Her POOPING on the tile as I grab her and rush back to the potty it happened. This is where we hit rock bottom- Fenway (the dog ) bust in and in one scoop EATS her poop!!! I immediately begin vomiting into the sink - naked child is back on her potty clapping her hands and laughing - the mr is gagging asking me to stop puking (seriously!? That's the most normal thing happening right now!!!) We have lost control!!! He's hollering , as I continue to puke, Charlie escapes and he tries to put pants back on. We finally managed to gather some composer and wrangle ms c into a bath while the mr brushed the dogs teeth- and then we laughed until we cried. Even on our bad days we are still making memories and even on the days that are literally "crappy" there is still a good laugh in there somewhere. Our family day doesn't end up as planned, and I still can't look at the dog without getting sick - but as we sat reading ms c her bedtime book I couldn't help but smile and think I wouldn't have it any other way. At least it isn't boring haha

That's not pebbles ....

My mother and I own and run a local boutique together in the historic downtown strip that features lots of cozy upscale boutiques boasting anything from home decor to women's and children's fashions  to antiques and beyond. It is both a blessing and a curse to be able to take Charlie to work with me when I need to. People always say "must be nice " when they talk about me working with her and while I do love and appreciate that I don't miss anything or time with her just for a second imagine doing your "job" or helping customers with a lil one year old diva attached to your hip.... Mmmmhmm that's what I thought !

Summers in Tx are hot. We texans are like lobsters in the boiling pot, added in some humidity on top of that heat and you literally feel like you may explode. That's about how the temp was this particular day last week. We had started the day off early with a photo shoot featuring Charlie. Since it smothering hot, and she'd been in full glam mode already I went ahead and just put a light lil onesie on her (something I never do if we leave the house). We were resetting the window displays so i too dressed for comforted and off we went.

She was playing like an angel in our office which lets face it is really hers! My mother aka "gammy" had given her a cup of sonic ice (her addiction ) and she was content. Realizing I was coming in and out (to look at the widows) Charlie thought this would be a fun time to play peak a boo with me. All I can say about what follows is thank goodness is was after we had closed.

As I came in and began picking up my "creative chaos" I noticed a white puffy thing in the floor. As I made my way over I realized it was Charlie's diaper. I froze. I knew what this meant. Lately she started trying to take her diapers off (and was quite successful if she had a onesie on) and then peeing on the floor! -my floors tile and while this lil trend infuriates me it is a quick fix- however the boutique floors are 100yr old wood floors with rugs .... Gammy! Do you have Charlie!? I nervously yelled praying maybe she had caught the naked bandit already... And then we both saw her at the same time I gasp and gammy bellowed out laughing uncontrollably .... There bent over in front of our huge glass window ... Facing the street with passer Byers was my naked child. Bare butt... Having no shame dancing away!! As I made my way over I could here gammy hollering that Charlie had gotten "pebbles " and to grab them so she didn't eat them.... As I got to my naked booty dancing baby and reached down an audible gag escaped ....there in front of the whole downtown my daughter had taken a number two. As I'm mortified trying to remove her and the evidence ASAP she began to applaud herself and dance.... And this is where it got worse (oh yea! It got worse ) on the middle of the floor she continued to "do her business" leaving a trail as i frantically tried to restrain,clean, and avoid her all at once. I now know what a hound dog experiences when trying to wrangle a rabbitt. My mother was of no help. She was bent over laughing uncontrollably which resulted in Charlie getting more excited and more wiggly! We finally managed to get the situation under control and I broke out the bleach as my mom giggled her way through getting a diaper on Charlie. I didn't know if I wanted to laugh or cry when about that time the duo popped out. Charlie freshly changed clapping her little heart out, and Grammys laughter edging her on, I chose to smile. There amongst the clean up, rubber gloves, and embarrassment I realized I am beyond blessed to not miss any of these shenanigans! And you can bet your pretty penny she lost her right to wear onesies to work.

Words that kill...

I'm not typically one to rant and gripe on here but tonight is an exception. I'm hot- not in a "turn the air down and hit the fans" -but in a "menopausal meltdown I'm homicidal" way. Tonight my husband, God rest his pea brained soul, uttered a phrase that will cost him most likely the rest of his life. No matter how much he laughs it offs, no matter how much Chanel he buys I will remember these words and it will no doubt spark the same rage that it did tonight.

We've had a chaotic and busy last few weeks. We've been home only to sleep it feels , and that has resulted in some fall out in my house keeping. We had company, both worked, then a grill out for the fourth which resulted in a sink full of dishes. Typically I'm a dish nazi ...I hate dirty dishes! Mind you the mr has been off for a few days and home just as much (if not more then me this week)

Today I got back on my schedule and routine emptying out the cram packed fridge bleaching base boards and doing dishes etc. it felt great! I felt refreshed and having done all this with a meltdown Molly of a child today I was feeling quite accomplished. This did not last long.

I was making dinner when he came in from work. He emptied out the contents of HIS lunch that I packed and made small talk about his day. Pretty typical. Then the volcano erupted. "Oh someone finally did dishes " strike one! In my head I thought no he did not say that! He laughed and bent down to kiss my cheek as smugly I replied with "yea and next time I will leave then until you can help too" then in one swift slip of the tongue he hit strike 2 and 3 all at once and released the lava. " that's your job isn't it? I go to work you do the dishes" and thats when i almost murdered my husband. For a split second I considered pouring the boiling noodles on him but quickly thought about the mess it'd leave. The look on my face must have been bad. He giggled like some school girl nervously and tried to tease. I dunno if I was more mad or hurt. I do his laundry, pack his lunch, layout his breakfast, set my alarm to ensure he doesn't over sleep, raise his child, manage the house am part owner of a busy downtown boutique, work from home with marketing, filling orders, pay the bills (I could go on) and all he sees me as is "the dishwasher". I wanted to stab him, cry, and eat chocolate all simultaneously. We joked through dinner and moved on. I of course made reference to the blunder a couple of times but don't think he grasps the magnitude  of that statement.

I'm a mom, a wife, a house manager, a business woman, a lover of pets, a blogger, a chef, and everything in between.

I long for a 12 hr day full of adults and the "real world". For 12hrs without Dora, Mickey, diapers and bottles. I love my child. I love my "jobs" - but I could only wish that my "job" was so clear cut dry and simple. Where are my off days? Paid holiday? Sick leave? And bonuses? Men are so skewed in their perception of how the household is run and what it actually takes to get it done! I am a firm believer that it takes two to tango in ALL aspects of marriage, and living.

He tried to offer a peace treaty foot rub, and piece of chocolate. I took both. I will definitely went to bed feeling nowhere near the trophy wife I aspire to be. He on the other hand will wake up to find I did not lay out his scrubs, I did not make his lunch, I did not set my alarm, and I did not layout his breakfast. If we are only going to do our "required jobs". Fine. But I'm willing to pet he starves or goes naked long before I do.

pro choice pro life ... The Great Debate

I know this is way outside of my typical sarcastic rants about my crazy path to the ultimate wife and mother of all the land, however I don't feel a Facebook status debate is a proper platform to spill my guts on such an explosive topic like abortion. I will state right now that I am not here to judge. Your opinion is your opinion, as is mine. So please be respectful of my openness and accept me for me as I will/ would you. 

I know that typically there is either "pro choice" or "pro life which" is pretty black and white for such a major and layered topic. I feel like opposing "pro choice" gets you labeled a Bible thumping he man woman hater while objecting to "pro life " labels you a bra burning baby killer .... I have a strong hankering that neither of these stereotypes are close to accurate. (However I would love to burn my bras somedays and women really are awful (I kid I kid ... Kinda )

I really feel like the solution to the abortion debate isn't either one of these options. The solution to "unplanned/ unwanted " pregnancies starts long before conception. We live in both a sex fueled and sex phobic culture. Sex is everywhere, music, tv, ads, literature and more but yet we send our children to schools who aren't allowed to say "condom" and aren't able to teach accurate and useful sexual education because we fear it will "promote" this devious act. Personally I feel that sexual education causes people to stop and consider the consequences of an "activity ". Education is our best tool and weapon against any and everything -the more we know the more empowered and ultimately in control we become. Safe sex needs to be taught. You can tell them to abstain all day long but in the off chance there is a lapse in judgement or they "forget" to just say no wouldn't you want to know they knew how to protect them self?

Next - as a woman who became pregnant while on birth control I know it is not 100% fail proof- but I do know that it worked successfully for several years. Better and easier access to birth control would also be a huge help. If a woman feels responsible and mature enough to become sexually active I feel she should be given the tools to be safe, and to prevent becoming pregnant. I would gladly support gov. Funded birth control because it would directly effect the welfare numbers and prevent a lot of these "unplanned pregnancies" that we can't come to terms on as a country.

Last- and yea I know I rushed through this but the points are relatively clear- but last... I do NOT believe that "pro life " means you don't support a woman's choice. I believe that there is indeed SEVERAL choices (see above) that should be made before even having sex! And I believe if you  are properly educated on the risks, and even if you take preventative measures , you KNOW conception is a possibility. If you gamble and loose money do you get to go to the head of the casino and say "ya know I have rent coming up I'm gonna need that back it was a poor choice " (I'm aware the scale of gambling to pregnancy is skewed ) but the point being is you are indeed gambling. There are consequences for every action we make.... And maybe if we spent more time learning how to prevent the initial actions and not the results then we would see successful progress and see there is  a much  bigger colored picture.

I guess my point is that the "pro life" vs "pro choice" is not as black and white, left and right as we all like to think. There is way more to the actual root of the debate. We can't open a can of worms and only pick out the biggest two and say it is "squared away". Lastly - it's our job to fuse black and white into gray there is always a common ground and for me I feel like instead of arm wrestling each other into saying "uncle- you're right " we could put all that time energy and money into preventing the "issue at hand"

The princess and her throne...

Where to even start with this! Hmmm well first lemme explain that C -while she is almost 14months old refuses to walk... She CAN she just simply would rather speed crawl wherever she wants to go... With that being said we've agreed that even though she's showed interest in potty training we really want her walking before we go hardcore into it.... Soooo we said....

Ms C has a fascination with the toilet that is disgusting and infuriating. I (like most mothers in the world) do not get to take a private bathroom break I have a lil shadow that follows me in there sits at my feet and just stares ever so creepy like as if she is awaiting some magnificent performance. This lead me to buying her a training potty. I figured eh she's already in here why not set her on it when I go and just see what happens.... What happens.... What happened ?! A MESS a giant flooding pee river of a mess! First- potty makers of the world who's bladder are these made for!? Barbie could probably flood that lil cup! And second- with all the technology in our world we still haven't found a better potty solution?! It's basically a pimped out bed pan and its gross .... Anyhow so yea she peed first thing! While I cheered her on I watched as the pee just came erupting out like a volcano which lead to me with my pants around my ankles interrupting my potty break scuffling around like a shackled fool with towels thinking you go wonder mom you stopped that mess right in its tracks no pee river on your favorite rug!

At this point as I was soaking in my victories of pee patrol intervention and the fact she went her first time ever sitting on the thing.... That glorious moment was abruptly ended. It was like slow motion. I'm sitting there trying to pee (the adrenaline and excitement of C's pee volcano had made this a lil more difficult ) and I saw her . A million little wires in my head went off and I KNEW what was coming but I choked. I froze. And I watched . With one slick motion of her hand Charlie dumped the full potty chair and all of my hard work at preventing the flood just seconds earlier was washed away with a giant tidal wave that came crushing down on my favorite rug and dog. Yes my daughter dumped her potty of pee on our Boston terrier ....

I didn't know if I wanted to laugh or cry (an emotion I feel ALOT lately) and poor Fenway just sat there as if he too knew how ridiculous this was.

Fenway is an emotionally impaired nervous dog already. He hates new,loud, fast things/people/events etc. at Christmas time he refuses to walk by the tree for a week! And last month he barked at a new picture frame on the mantle for two weeks.... So THIS sent him spiraling (clearly the dog is in the wrong house ) naturally he can't just be normal and lay there and let me clean him up No way! He has to charge me (I'm still on MY toilet in shock ) he is a hefty 23 lb dog he's no chihuahua but apparently in that five seconds he was because he darted behind the toilet and began barking. This in turn scared Charlie and she too charges me and is now climbing my legs which causes Fenway more anxiety so of course he has to start CLAWING the back of my legs ..... It was at this point I decided today was done.

After calming C down and cleaning up the mess in the floor I began the ever so delicate task of getting Fenway to come out. I pulled I sweet talked I  left the room.... Nothing ... I was on the verge of panicking thinking he was surely stuck when C perched at my leg eating cheese stuck her head around to scope out the situation..... The dog shot out like a cannon ... How he even stopped long enough to get the piece of cheese from her hand I do not know... He hit the cabinet he hit C and then darted off like a ping pong ball .... And before I could grab and no matter how much I yelled jumped his pee soaked body right up on my couch .... Needless to say there was ALOT of cleaning bathing and mopping that day and take out for dinner that night ..... And I will not be dabbling in potty training for a while !!!

Reptiles belong on HANDBAGS!!

First off, I don't need PETA all over me...I don't hate on you for wanting to save the snakes so don't hate on me for wanting to skin them. ;) ....As you might have assumed I HATE snakes and lizards and am terrified of them as well. I don't mean jump and scream I mean throw up and cry possible phobia! I HATE THEM. Well, this evening as I was changing to get ready for the dreaded date with my treadmill I noticed one of those little inch/ two inch long clear little ghecko things run across my bathroom wall. I lost it. My first response was to run. Which is unusual because my normal flight/ fight reaction is fight however I just ran. Pantless...down my hallway. I dunno where I was going? Perhaps to Charlie to save her from the big bad two inch godzilla lizard? I got to her door and realized I had ran and proceeded to run BACK to my bathroom, still...pantless...once in the bathroom I decided to fight the beast. Usually on any given day I have AT LEAST one pair of shoes in my bathroom or in my bedroom floor..but NO I just happen to be on this whole cleaning/organization kick! I frantically looked around for a weapon as the lil devil watched and finally decided on a candle stick (I realize this is begining to sound like a bad game of clue...it was the pantless mom, in the bathroom, with the candlestick! lol) as I struck at the wall I realized what I thought was the lizard was indeed NOT so I then begin to curse about needing glasses. I gave a few more blind wacks and then decided he had escaped. I removed everything from the bathroom....my trashcan, my rug, opened cabinets, I woulda taken out the toilet had I been able too...nothing. I closed the door ( because clearly that will keep him in there) and prayed I would be able to sleep some because now I know I will swear he is in bed with me!!! I am now googling "lizard repelent"....And this my friends is EXACTLY why reptiles belong on HANDBAGS!!!

From Prada to Pampers

This may be the strangest thing you have ever read, and Pampers you can pay me later ,but lemme tell ya'll I am in LOVE with a new "designer" lol. So usually this would be a post about an amazing Prada hand bag I wanted/needed/secretly bought and prayed my husband didn't find out...however times they are a changin' and this is indeed a post about Pampers and my love for the "blue stipe wetness indicator".
I dunno how many diapers you have changed, but it feels like a giant game of Russian Roullette when you are deciding if indeed the diaper is done for. There are many methods...you have your "squeezers" ya know the ones....they just reach on up and squeeze the toosh and to see if it is soggy. Well two reasons why this is not a good technique 1. you risk squeezing "stuff" OUT of the diaper and that can get ugly FAST 2. Sometimes you just get it wrong ...it may feel a lil cushy and you go through the hassle of undoing the gosh forsaken onesie snaps that lock together like they are protecting precious treasures and open er' on up to nothing!....another method are the "swipers" ...takes a gutsy person to do this I will give you that they are the ones that just stick the fingers on in (usually also the ones with multiple children who are no longer afraid of the potentials hidden inside said diaper.) I don't think I even need to list the possible hazards of this method?! You also have your sniffers, your full checkers etc, and then you have the Pampers swaddlers..they have the amazing and magic "blue line" it's like the "double C" logo for baby butts! What is this magic line? It takes the guess work out of "is the diaper dirty" game; if the diaper is wet or dirty the line turns blue! Consequently the darker the blue the more preparation you know is required for that grand reveal! My dad's favorite thing is to holler "BLUE STRIPE" lol as if he found a prize egg on Easter. Well done Pampers...well done...

"Gammy" and "Daddy" changing Charlie's first "blue stripe" in the hospital

SHE'S HERE!!! Meet the new diva in training!

Well well well... look who is BACK! After a horrific pregnancy followed by a delivery that could have been featured on one of those scify exercism shows, we proudly welcomed our perfect baby girl on April 22. She was a whole 3 weeks early (she has been trying to make her debut since she was 29 weeks!!) and she was a whopping 8lbs and 20 inches long (yes I gave birth to a toddler) and since mommy's epideral didn't take I got to experience every last bit of the "miracle" (or should we say torture) of child bearing...lemme just say we will not be having any more lil munchkins in the near future. Enough about that! I am going to brag about my rhinestoned, big bow wearing, BLUE eyed girl!!! (if you know me and my italian-esque family the BLUE eyes are a BIG deal in the family of big brown peepers)
 She is now a whole 14 weeks old, and daddy is still "serving" our country in South Korea lol...I have never in my life enjoyed something so much, or felt a love like I have since the day of her arrival. Who knew you could enjoy being woken up at all hours of the night, puked on, peed on, pooped on, and looking like you don't own a hair brush so much?!
 If you hate "adventure in mommy land" type posts then you should probably not read the next few articles I post, however, if you've read any of mine before I can assure you that I have been blessed with the ability to not do ANYTHING the normal or easy way (not inentionally it just seems to be in my nature) so I assure you a good laugh, and a GREAT reminder to take that birth control *wink* NOW for the fun part; please feel free to ooh-ahh and OH EM GEE at the following pictures all you want, I feel pretty confident in saying that we have been blessed beyond measure and I look forward to every day I am gifted enought to spend with this smiley, strong willed, adorable little girl.

CHARLSIE MARIE: (2 weeks old, photographs by the amazing Taryn Southern of "Taryn Southern Photography")

Bottles and Babies and......BOOBS OHHHHHHH MY!!!!

So those of you that have read my adventures in becoming the domestic diva, already know i am not a let's say "busty gal" lol....Well then it should come as no surprise that for years I have told Mychal that "when i get skinny" (HA which means he thinks the time will never come ;) ) ....I want a boob job!!! wellllllll lemme tell you! after this lil "test drive" of the ladies I have changed my mind! These are not "ladies" anymore! They are out of control WOMEN!!! .....Anyone that had seen me noticed...you couldn't help and we would laugh and joke about it!!! ....well it wasn't 10 weeks after being pregnant that ummmm my "cup had runneth over"....long story short I had to go get a new bra today....oy vay what a mess!!!

I decided that getting dressed cute would help encourage me for this "big shopping outing" (i had been very sick and hadn't left the house all week) so on went the makeup the bling, the wedges (FATAL MISTAKE) ....out came the teasing comb (which at this point prob. thought I had gone bald or shaved my head because it'd been so long since it saw daylight!!) ....after getting dressed i just wanted a nap!!!!!! ...well i sucked it up and drug myself down to the good ol' kohls and thought (keyword thought! meaning I am deranged lol) I would look around maybe pick up some Christmas gifts etc.

I made it from the parking lot and immediately wanted to throw my shoes away...i could literally feel my veins pulsing through my legs screaming WHYYYYYYY!!!! GO BACK TO THE RELCINER!!!!....I knew then "shopping around" wouldn't cut it! to the bras I went to get something to reign these ponies in ....I had gotten to the point where i looked like a cheap stripper under my shirt....I mean who knew boobs could be muffin tops too lol ....

bra shopping has always been embarrassing because i am more of a fun sized lady, so i have to feel and check for padding and push up etc...i always imagined these dolly parton pamela gals strolling in and proudly grabbing whatever print they liked and being done....wrong! those poor girls stroll in and out so fast because they are in PAIN....their back feels like it's breaking your boobs feel like they may explode, and it seems like at any moment you may fall right over!!! I totally get it now lol....The c cups (yes i said C) are acrosss the aisle from the a/b (my usual spot) and i was thinking HA i finally get to cross over...but now that i was here I just wanted to go BACK ACROSS THE AISLE! ....i informed Mychal he was sooooo right I was never getting a boob job, that the test drive had cleared me of that desire.....he laughed and said "I was never much of a boob man, more of a booty and you have more then enough of that" hahaha MEN just when ya think they have said the right thing....they continue speaking and ruin it lol

Are We Done Yet?!

OK OK OK I know ( without the few e-mails i received to inform me lol) that I am WAY behind I assure you I will be much better now that I am no longer a sleeping, puking, zombie! So here we are! 14 weeks and 2 days!!! in 2 weeks we get our first shot at seeing the gender which is VERY exciting I cannot wait!!! It has been a very long and rough 14 weeks but things are looking up.

We got bad news this week in reference to Mychal, he is being moved 5 hours south of where he is in Korea and reports Nov. 14th, which means I do not get to go visit anymore, and he has to get reapproved for leave at the time of the baby's birth....which if the gentleman in charge knows what is best for his little ol' life will not be an issue, otherwise I will be flying to Korea to have this baby lol ....

I started showing at 10 weeks......yea yea I know you didn't show till 20 lol well 4'11 leaves no room for the baby to go but out!! and that it is!! currently I keep loosing weight per the scale (which is funny since my belly gets bigger and bigger) ....I am just now able to even get out of bed! whooooosh i felt like i'd been sea sick for 2 months straight and had massive migrains! But now i have some more energy and spunk and have even ventured out amongst the living!! lol

I'm currently house hunting which is miserable! I am overly emotional, paranoid, and mychal isn't here to tell me that No amber! just because it isn't in a culdesac doesn't mean the baby or dog will be smashed by a car lol .....

We finally got skype on my phone and I was soooooo excited except then i realized i had to make SOME effort to not look like a homeless person lol so a little foundation and a comb goes a LONG way haha....

well now that you are caught up with where we are at I will post here again shortly!!!

10 weeks and counting....sweats can be sexy too right?!

OH my so now that you are caught up on the BIG news...lets fill ya in on the chaos thus far...My parents are out of control we have no clue what the baby will be and yet i have a jogging stroller, rocking horse, and a tub FULL of things, not to mention a small library it is insane and it must stop at this rate the child will have its first car at 3!!! My mother has even been buying one girl one boy of numerous things...who does that?!

Mychal is adapting to Korea, other then some bad food experiments, a minor run over by a cab, and some very confused conversations he is holding his own lol i tried to convince him to let me move over after my first trimester but he would have no such thing...

I've def. been feeling pregnant aside from the "morning sickness" HA which is a major joke try all day sickness, the heart burn from hell, and the sudden onset of dolly parton's chest!I woke up this morning to the first sign of a baby bump :) So I am really glad that mychal is missing all this "wonderful" pregnancy stuff...i mean whoever said it was a beautiful thing was def. a man...forget cute dresses and heels, all i want is to lounge in sweats and sleep on and off all day in between hanging my head over the toilet...when we skype i at least do my hair and makeup haha that'll fool em' ;)

I'm at the akward stage where maternity clothes are too big and my regular clothes are too small....and i finally have a small bump...I would much rather look pregnant then people look and wonder if amber's had one to many snack cakes LOL even the local trip to walmart has become a mission impossible act, wearing loose shirts to hide the lil muffin pouch, hiding behind my overstuffed purse and cart, dodging people and just wanting to get out LOL

just when we thought we had it all planned out....LIFE hits

Well I know what you are thinking....and No I am not writting this entry from my Korean high-rise, and I will not be telling you about the adventures and shopping in a foreign land....I am back in my mother's attic (ok so it’s more like a studio apartment but STILL) lemme rewind a bit....

Mychal and I had everything settled to begin our new adventure abroad, our home was (well still is) in storage, the goods we wanted to take had been shipped, we had moved out of our house, and had come back home for two weeks before our grand departure. Close friends of ours were having a wedding the 2nd of Sept, while mychal was leaving the 6th, and i was to follow the 12th....was being the key word here.

We had arrived down in Galveston area for the wedding and i had been feeling very under the weather, and my little friend i see once a month was a little behind, (ok a week behind let's call it denial) i decided to take a test before the wedding just in case and more to clear my mind so when the champagne started passing around i could enjoy myself....i think i blacked out for a split second when i saw those two pink lines....i have also decided that there needs to be something else, idk a flower? a smiley face? something other than those harsh mean looking two lines!!! As i went running for mychal i sent him into look at the counter his response? UM? NO this one is messed up there are 2 lines not 1 lol really? riiiiiight honey it's the test! well after SIX tests (we were just being thorough) and SIX sets of pink lines it was official....we told our family and two days later we sent mychal on his way to Korea...I will no longer be joining I will be setting up our little nest here...(NO NOT IN MY MOTHER'S ATTIC) LOL
Sooooo her we go!!!! Now...HOW am I gonna wear heels with a belly?! ;)

I envy the bird...

Yes, I realize it has been a LONG while since I have been on here, however rest assured you will be hearing from me more often then you probably ever wanted. :) I must warn you though that the original blog about "domestic diva" daily life, and the quest for the ultimate trophy wife crown has changed a little....we just learned that we will be leaving for Seoul, Korea in Sept. and I thought this would be a great way to keep friends, family, and everyone in between up to date on our crazy adventures leading up to and during the duration of our deployment....so sit back and enjoy the chaos that is sure to unfold as we begin this swift process of relocation and adaptation!

Here is a little preview of what is to come.

The day i found out was already off to a rocky start prior to this HUGE news, my car had began over heating and was in the shop. It was gonna take 2 days of a rental car and 800 dollars of repairs to make the problem go away...talk about a BUMMER...to top it off mychal was driving the rental car and hadn't turned on the head lights (ours are automatic) resulting in him getting pulled over and given a ticket no no no not for the headlights, but for the insurance card he did not have because it was in OUR car at the auto repair shop....as if all of the above was not enough he breaks the news of our lil "trip" to me. I was shocked and mentally shut down at that point trying to stay positive as we told our family (who was not taking the news too great) defeated by the day we decided to find comfort in some major "No-No" fried chicken and set out for what one would assume would be the easiest task of the day half way there a rather large bird dive bombed the front of the car smacking himself into the rental cars windshield ...(feathers amongst other things )flew and smeared themselves all about and my husband and i looked at each other. We were laughing to the point of tears...as i sat there dabbing my tears he looks at me and simply says "...is it bad I envy that damn bird right now"

That Pain in My butt....

OOOOOOK! So I am right back on track to knocking this "operation get smokin'" right out the front door....We have had a Wii Fit for going on oh what a year now?! and besides the occasional playing for fun it really hasn't been used much. Well I decided a little yoga in the morning would be a great way to start out my fat burning, so I did just that! Great! Felt energized, felt refreshed...def. did not feel like I worked out! OHHH i can do this i thought....that was at about 8:30 AM...I got dressed headed off to work and about lunch time noticed my butt muscles seemed to be burning slightly...ohhh i thought perhaps it does really work you out! NICE ...i love the slight tingle you get from a good workout! it makes me feel like I have actually done something...so I happily continued through my day not really noticing that my butt muscles had moved from tingling to slightly burning...I continued this lil' routine for about 3 days. The 3rd day I woke up and thought something was wrong. It felt like a tiny scorpion had snuck into my sheets and stung me right smack on my bottom! It hurt to walk, it hurt to sit, and most of all it hurt to squat!! I thought maybe I had walked the stairs at work or home more then usual?...perhaps I had stepped wrong.. then as I was brushing my teeth I spotted it...there beneath the tv stand it stuck out as if it were laughing at me... Like it was saying haha chubby girl I toasted you alright...NOOOOOOO way I thought to myself...this could NOT be...I can NOT be sore from a VIDEO game! how sad is that?! lol...I marched myself (ok so I waddled myself) over to the tv pulled the board out and proceeded to the yoga work out I had done two days ago.

I did not even get into the full position for the first move when that small scorpion bite turned into a GIANT stab wound!!! AHHHH! i literally let out a yelp...there i was bent down in the middle of the living room looking like a fool completely humiliated by something designed for even children to use, and Mychal walked in...he didn't say anything at first he just looked at me half concerned half amused and finally through the smile smirked "what is going on?"...I turned around with a look that surely could have killed and growled for him to stop making fun....bound and determined i was going to beat this thing I proceeded to go back and complete the work out....

Move two was where i slammed the game off muttering how stupid it was and walked back into the bathroom to finish getting ready...have no fear this is NOT the final standoff.....I will win this battle ....as SOON as I can walk again!

A shower and a hair brush....

..Last weekend I began the wonderful task of "spring cleaning". Removing the clutter in our lil' shoebox of a townhome...anyhow in the midst of sorting through the what nots I came across some old photographs.

With my long hair, manicured nails,dark skin, petite frame, and polished face one would have thought it was a special occassion. But the truth is I was more then likely just up and about for the day. I was looking thinking wow that must have been so long ago and then I noticed the date...not even a full three years...WHAT?! where is that woman?

I looked up into the bedroom mirror with my messy bun, faded leggings, and husbands football jersey on. Is THIS what marriage does?!...or perhaps a deployment, or uprooting yourself from everything you know?! Maybe it was a bit of it all compiled into one either way...that reflection...that rundown woman in the mirror was/is NOT me...and then all of the sudden it hit me...It is ME!!..and I was ok with it. WHAT?! I thought and laughed...it's true! I was happy with the fact that I had in a way "traded" all that "crap" in for something with substance...

As moms/wives we give up so much not just our time, not just our space or needs but in a way I think we give bits of ourselves. I dunno why? Life just seems to wash over us like some giant tsunami wave and drench us and "frump" us down. It's funny how the "mandatories" of yesterday become the "luxuries" of today without us even realizing or caring. Sure we have days where we think I'd kill for the "used to be" days...but then we look at our babies and husbands and realize no we wouldn't give just "Anything" maybe the dishes, or laundry but not our families...

That is a true trophy wife! The one that gives/cares more for her hubby and family then about herself. The one that wears those yoga pants and t-shirt and ROCKS IT lol

I held the picture next to me and said "Honey look at who you fell in love with and look at who you married!", my husband God bless his soul simply laughed and said "The only difference between you and her is a shower and hair brush" haha gotta love him!