Words that kill...

I'm not typically one to rant and gripe on here but tonight is an exception. I'm hot- not in a "turn the air down and hit the fans" -but in a "menopausal meltdown I'm homicidal" way. Tonight my husband, God rest his pea brained soul, uttered a phrase that will cost him most likely the rest of his life. No matter how much he laughs it offs, no matter how much Chanel he buys I will remember these words and it will no doubt spark the same rage that it did tonight.

We've had a chaotic and busy last few weeks. We've been home only to sleep it feels , and that has resulted in some fall out in my house keeping. We had company, both worked, then a grill out for the fourth which resulted in a sink full of dishes. Typically I'm a dish nazi ...I hate dirty dishes! Mind you the mr has been off for a few days and home just as much (if not more then me this week)

Today I got back on my schedule and routine emptying out the cram packed fridge bleaching base boards and doing dishes etc. it felt great! I felt refreshed and having done all this with a meltdown Molly of a child today I was feeling quite accomplished. This did not last long.

I was making dinner when he came in from work. He emptied out the contents of HIS lunch that I packed and made small talk about his day. Pretty typical. Then the volcano erupted. "Oh someone finally did dishes " strike one! In my head I thought no he did not say that! He laughed and bent down to kiss my cheek as smugly I replied with "yea and next time I will leave then until you can help too" then in one swift slip of the tongue he hit strike 2 and 3 all at once and released the lava. " that's your job isn't it? I go to work you do the dishes" and thats when i almost murdered my husband. For a split second I considered pouring the boiling noodles on him but quickly thought about the mess it'd leave. The look on my face must have been bad. He giggled like some school girl nervously and tried to tease. I dunno if I was more mad or hurt. I do his laundry, pack his lunch, layout his breakfast, set my alarm to ensure he doesn't over sleep, raise his child, manage the house am part owner of a busy downtown boutique, work from home with marketing, filling orders, pay the bills (I could go on) and all he sees me as is "the dishwasher". I wanted to stab him, cry, and eat chocolate all simultaneously. We joked through dinner and moved on. I of course made reference to the blunder a couple of times but don't think he grasps the magnitude  of that statement.

I'm a mom, a wife, a house manager, a business woman, a lover of pets, a blogger, a chef, and everything in between.

I long for a 12 hr day full of adults and the "real world". For 12hrs without Dora, Mickey, diapers and bottles. I love my child. I love my "jobs" - but I could only wish that my "job" was so clear cut dry and simple. Where are my off days? Paid holiday? Sick leave? And bonuses? Men are so skewed in their perception of how the household is run and what it actually takes to get it done! I am a firm believer that it takes two to tango in ALL aspects of marriage, and living.

He tried to offer a peace treaty foot rub, and piece of chocolate. I took both. I will definitely went to bed feeling nowhere near the trophy wife I aspire to be. He on the other hand will wake up to find I did not lay out his scrubs, I did not make his lunch, I did not set my alarm, and I did not layout his breakfast. If we are only going to do our "required jobs". Fine. But I'm willing to pet he starves or goes naked long before I do.

pro choice pro life ... The Great Debate

I know this is way outside of my typical sarcastic rants about my crazy path to the ultimate wife and mother of all the land, however I don't feel a Facebook status debate is a proper platform to spill my guts on such an explosive topic like abortion. I will state right now that I am not here to judge. Your opinion is your opinion, as is mine. So please be respectful of my openness and accept me for me as I will/ would you. 

I know that typically there is either "pro choice" or "pro life which" is pretty black and white for such a major and layered topic. I feel like opposing "pro choice" gets you labeled a Bible thumping he man woman hater while objecting to "pro life " labels you a bra burning baby killer .... I have a strong hankering that neither of these stereotypes are close to accurate. (However I would love to burn my bras somedays and women really are awful (I kid I kid ... Kinda )

I really feel like the solution to the abortion debate isn't either one of these options. The solution to "unplanned/ unwanted " pregnancies starts long before conception. We live in both a sex fueled and sex phobic culture. Sex is everywhere, music, tv, ads, literature and more but yet we send our children to schools who aren't allowed to say "condom" and aren't able to teach accurate and useful sexual education because we fear it will "promote" this devious act. Personally I feel that sexual education causes people to stop and consider the consequences of an "activity ". Education is our best tool and weapon against any and everything -the more we know the more empowered and ultimately in control we become. Safe sex needs to be taught. You can tell them to abstain all day long but in the off chance there is a lapse in judgement or they "forget" to just say no wouldn't you want to know they knew how to protect them self?

Next - as a woman who became pregnant while on birth control I know it is not 100% fail proof- but I do know that it worked successfully for several years. Better and easier access to birth control would also be a huge help. If a woman feels responsible and mature enough to become sexually active I feel she should be given the tools to be safe, and to prevent becoming pregnant. I would gladly support gov. Funded birth control because it would directly effect the welfare numbers and prevent a lot of these "unplanned pregnancies" that we can't come to terms on as a country.

Last- and yea I know I rushed through this but the points are relatively clear- but last... I do NOT believe that "pro life " means you don't support a woman's choice. I believe that there is indeed SEVERAL choices (see above) that should be made before even having sex! And I believe if you  are properly educated on the risks, and even if you take preventative measures , you KNOW conception is a possibility. If you gamble and loose money do you get to go to the head of the casino and say "ya know I have rent coming up I'm gonna need that back it was a poor choice " (I'm aware the scale of gambling to pregnancy is skewed ) but the point being is you are indeed gambling. There are consequences for every action we make.... And maybe if we spent more time learning how to prevent the initial actions and not the results then we would see successful progress and see there is  a much  bigger colored picture.

I guess my point is that the "pro life" vs "pro choice" is not as black and white, left and right as we all like to think. There is way more to the actual root of the debate. We can't open a can of worms and only pick out the biggest two and say it is "squared away". Lastly - it's our job to fuse black and white into gray there is always a common ground and for me I feel like instead of arm wrestling each other into saying "uncle- you're right " we could put all that time energy and money into preventing the "issue at hand"

The princess and her throne...

Where to even start with this! Hmmm well first lemme explain that C -while she is almost 14months old refuses to walk... She CAN she just simply would rather speed crawl wherever she wants to go... With that being said we've agreed that even though she's showed interest in potty training we really want her walking before we go hardcore into it.... Soooo we said....

Ms C has a fascination with the toilet that is disgusting and infuriating. I (like most mothers in the world) do not get to take a private bathroom break I have a lil shadow that follows me in there sits at my feet and just stares ever so creepy like as if she is awaiting some magnificent performance. This lead me to buying her a training potty. I figured eh she's already in here why not set her on it when I go and just see what happens.... What happens.... What happened ?! A MESS a giant flooding pee river of a mess! First- potty makers of the world who's bladder are these made for!? Barbie could probably flood that lil cup! And second- with all the technology in our world we still haven't found a better potty solution?! It's basically a pimped out bed pan and its gross .... Anyhow so yea she peed first thing! While I cheered her on I watched as the pee just came erupting out like a volcano which lead to me with my pants around my ankles interrupting my potty break scuffling around like a shackled fool with towels thinking you go wonder mom you stopped that mess right in its tracks no pee river on your favorite rug!

At this point as I was soaking in my victories of pee patrol intervention and the fact she went her first time ever sitting on the thing.... That glorious moment was abruptly ended. It was like slow motion. I'm sitting there trying to pee (the adrenaline and excitement of C's pee volcano had made this a lil more difficult ) and I saw her . A million little wires in my head went off and I KNEW what was coming but I choked. I froze. And I watched . With one slick motion of her hand Charlie dumped the full potty chair and all of my hard work at preventing the flood just seconds earlier was washed away with a giant tidal wave that came crushing down on my favorite rug and dog. Yes my daughter dumped her potty of pee on our Boston terrier ....

I didn't know if I wanted to laugh or cry (an emotion I feel ALOT lately) and poor Fenway just sat there as if he too knew how ridiculous this was.

Fenway is an emotionally impaired nervous dog already. He hates new,loud, fast things/people/events etc. at Christmas time he refuses to walk by the tree for a week! And last month he barked at a new picture frame on the mantle for two weeks.... So THIS sent him spiraling (clearly the dog is in the wrong house ) naturally he can't just be normal and lay there and let me clean him up No way! He has to charge me (I'm still on MY toilet in shock ) he is a hefty 23 lb dog he's no chihuahua but apparently in that five seconds he was because he darted behind the toilet and began barking. This in turn scared Charlie and she too charges me and is now climbing my legs which causes Fenway more anxiety so of course he has to start CLAWING the back of my legs ..... It was at this point I decided today was done.

After calming C down and cleaning up the mess in the floor I began the ever so delicate task of getting Fenway to come out. I pulled I sweet talked I  left the room.... Nothing ... I was on the verge of panicking thinking he was surely stuck when C perched at my leg eating cheese stuck her head around to scope out the situation..... The dog shot out like a cannon ... How he even stopped long enough to get the piece of cheese from her hand I do not know... He hit the cabinet he hit C and then darted off like a ping pong ball .... And before I could grab and no matter how much I yelled jumped his pee soaked body right up on my couch .... Needless to say there was ALOT of cleaning bathing and mopping that day and take out for dinner that night ..... And I will not be dabbling in potty training for a while !!!

Reptiles belong on HANDBAGS!!

First off, I don't need PETA all over me...I don't hate on you for wanting to save the snakes so don't hate on me for wanting to skin them. ;) ....As you might have assumed I HATE snakes and lizards and am terrified of them as well. I don't mean jump and scream I mean throw up and cry possible phobia! I HATE THEM. Well, this evening as I was changing to get ready for the dreaded date with my treadmill I noticed one of those little inch/ two inch long clear little ghecko things run across my bathroom wall. I lost it. My first response was to run. Which is unusual because my normal flight/ fight reaction is fight however I just ran. Pantless...down my hallway. I dunno where I was going? Perhaps to Charlie to save her from the big bad two inch godzilla lizard? I got to her door and realized I had ran and proceeded to run BACK to my bathroom, still...pantless...once in the bathroom I decided to fight the beast. Usually on any given day I have AT LEAST one pair of shoes in my bathroom or in my bedroom floor..but NO I just happen to be on this whole cleaning/organization kick! I frantically looked around for a weapon as the lil devil watched and finally decided on a candle stick (I realize this is begining to sound like a bad game of clue...it was the pantless mom, in the bathroom, with the candlestick! lol) as I struck at the wall I realized what I thought was the lizard was indeed NOT so I then begin to curse about needing glasses. I gave a few more blind wacks and then decided he had escaped. I removed everything from the bathroom....my trashcan, my rug, opened cabinets, I woulda taken out the toilet had I been able too...nothing. I closed the door ( because clearly that will keep him in there) and prayed I would be able to sleep some because now I know I will swear he is in bed with me!!! I am now googling "lizard repelent"....And this my friends is EXACTLY why reptiles belong on HANDBAGS!!!

From Prada to Pampers

This may be the strangest thing you have ever read, and Pampers you can pay me later ,but lemme tell ya'll I am in LOVE with a new "designer" lol. So usually this would be a post about an amazing Prada hand bag I wanted/needed/secretly bought and prayed my husband didn't find out...however times they are a changin' and this is indeed a post about Pampers and my love for the "blue stipe wetness indicator".
I dunno how many diapers you have changed, but it feels like a giant game of Russian Roullette when you are deciding if indeed the diaper is done for. There are many methods...you have your "squeezers" ya know the ones....they just reach on up and squeeze the toosh and to see if it is soggy. Well two reasons why this is not a good technique 1. you risk squeezing "stuff" OUT of the diaper and that can get ugly FAST 2. Sometimes you just get it wrong ...it may feel a lil cushy and you go through the hassle of undoing the gosh forsaken onesie snaps that lock together like they are protecting precious treasures and open er' on up to nothing!....another method are the "swipers" ...takes a gutsy person to do this I will give you that they are the ones that just stick the fingers on in (usually also the ones with multiple children who are no longer afraid of the potentials hidden inside said diaper.) I don't think I even need to list the possible hazards of this method?! You also have your sniffers, your full checkers etc, and then you have the Pampers swaddlers..they have the amazing and magic "blue line" it's like the "double C" logo for baby butts! What is this magic line? It takes the guess work out of "is the diaper dirty" game; if the diaper is wet or dirty the line turns blue! Consequently the darker the blue the more preparation you know is required for that grand reveal! My dad's favorite thing is to holler "BLUE STRIPE" lol as if he found a prize egg on Easter. Well done Pampers...well done...

"Gammy" and "Daddy" changing Charlie's first "blue stripe" in the hospital

SHE'S HERE!!! Meet the new diva in training!

Well well well... look who is BACK! After a horrific pregnancy followed by a delivery that could have been featured on one of those scify exercism shows, we proudly welcomed our perfect baby girl on April 22. She was a whole 3 weeks early (she has been trying to make her debut since she was 29 weeks!!) and she was a whopping 8lbs and 20 inches long (yes I gave birth to a toddler) and since mommy's epideral didn't take I got to experience every last bit of the "miracle" (or should we say torture) of child bearing...lemme just say we will not be having any more lil munchkins in the near future. Enough about that! I am going to brag about my rhinestoned, big bow wearing, BLUE eyed girl!!! (if you know me and my italian-esque family the BLUE eyes are a BIG deal in the family of big brown peepers)
 She is now a whole 14 weeks old, and daddy is still "serving" our country in South Korea lol...I have never in my life enjoyed something so much, or felt a love like I have since the day of her arrival. Who knew you could enjoy being woken up at all hours of the night, puked on, peed on, pooped on, and looking like you don't own a hair brush so much?!
 If you hate "adventure in mommy land" type posts then you should probably not read the next few articles I post, however, if you've read any of mine before I can assure you that I have been blessed with the ability to not do ANYTHING the normal or easy way (not inentionally it just seems to be in my nature) so I assure you a good laugh, and a GREAT reminder to take that birth control *wink* NOW for the fun part; please feel free to ooh-ahh and OH EM GEE at the following pictures all you want, I feel pretty confident in saying that we have been blessed beyond measure and I look forward to every day I am gifted enought to spend with this smiley, strong willed, adorable little girl.

CHARLSIE MARIE: (2 weeks old, photographs by the amazing Taryn Southern of "Taryn Southern Photography")

Bottles and Babies and......BOOBS OHHHHHHH MY!!!!

So those of you that have read my adventures in becoming the domestic diva, already know i am not a let's say "busty gal" lol....Well then it should come as no surprise that for years I have told Mychal that "when i get skinny" (HA which means he thinks the time will never come ;) ) ....I want a boob job!!! wellllllll lemme tell you! after this lil "test drive" of the ladies I have changed my mind! These are not "ladies" anymore! They are out of control WOMEN!!! .....Anyone that had seen me noticed...you couldn't help and we would laugh and joke about it!!! ....well it wasn't 10 weeks after being pregnant that ummmm my "cup had runneth over"....long story short I had to go get a new bra today....oy vay what a mess!!!

I decided that getting dressed cute would help encourage me for this "big shopping outing" (i had been very sick and hadn't left the house all week) so on went the makeup the bling, the wedges (FATAL MISTAKE) ....out came the teasing comb (which at this point prob. thought I had gone bald or shaved my head because it'd been so long since it saw daylight!!) ....after getting dressed i just wanted a nap!!!!!! ...well i sucked it up and drug myself down to the good ol' kohls and thought (keyword thought! meaning I am deranged lol) I would look around maybe pick up some Christmas gifts etc.

I made it from the parking lot and immediately wanted to throw my shoes away...i could literally feel my veins pulsing through my legs screaming WHYYYYYYY!!!! GO BACK TO THE RELCINER!!!!....I knew then "shopping around" wouldn't cut it! to the bras I went to get something to reign these ponies in ....I had gotten to the point where i looked like a cheap stripper under my shirt....I mean who knew boobs could be muffin tops too lol ....

bra shopping has always been embarrassing because i am more of a fun sized lady, so i have to feel and check for padding and push up etc...i always imagined these dolly parton pamela gals strolling in and proudly grabbing whatever print they liked and being done....wrong! those poor girls stroll in and out so fast because they are in PAIN....their back feels like it's breaking your boobs feel like they may explode, and it seems like at any moment you may fall right over!!! I totally get it now lol....The c cups (yes i said C) are acrosss the aisle from the a/b (my usual spot) and i was thinking HA i finally get to cross over...but now that i was here I just wanted to go BACK ACROSS THE AISLE! ....i informed Mychal he was sooooo right I was never getting a boob job, that the test drive had cleared me of that desire.....he laughed and said "I was never much of a boob man, more of a booty and you have more then enough of that" hahaha MEN just when ya think they have said the right thing....they continue speaking and ruin it lol